I began this post earlier this week wanting to brag on my precious Grace.…which I still want to do. I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing my girl is and what an honor it is to be her Mom.
People often comment that one of the reasons they read my posts is so they will know how to pray for us…So I thought I would take just a moment to share with you the reality of my week and where my heart is this morning.
Life goes on..and absolutely it does. It goes on whether you want it to or not…For me, I bounce back and forth between memories of the past, remembering how things used to be, and thoughts of what my future would be like if Warren were still here. With many of our ‘firsts’ without Warren, I look back at pictures remembering our ‘last’ with him…last Christmas, last birthday, last mother’s day…and I long for him to be here, but I find comfort in looking at pictures from those precious memories. Each of these events are difficult to face, each in there own way…
Earlier this week I became aware that the 8th grade dance was this weekend. For some reason, thinking about it in the distant future seemed bearable, but once it was only days away, my heart broke into a thousand pieces all over again…Oh, the what if’s and the ‘He should be here’ thoughts that flooded my mind. I could hardly think of anything else all week. I am certain we talked about this day earlier this year..In fact, I’m pretty sure we (me and Grace) had already begun discussing who he should take to the dance!! (Seems silly to disclose that info…but I’m pretty sure Warren and ‘this person’ would have made the cutest date!!) I even think I had run through the possible ways he could ask her..So fun!! After one of the last functions Warren attended with shirt and tie..he came home asking “When is the next dance?”…He loved hanging out with his friends and he also loved getting dressed up…So handsome he was…..
I have tried to understand why this ‘first’ seems so different, so much more emotional for me than even Mother’s Day..Honestly, the only thing I can come up with is that this event means wrapping up a chapter of life, and moving into another. ‘Moving on’ in a sense…something I’m not ready to do. My life came to a stand still that weekend back in November and since then, although we have done the best we can to live and function day to day, ‘Moving on’ means leaving behind…and I can’t do that, not yet. I heard someone say (or I read this in a book), that its important at some point to stop living in the past, so that you don’t miss what God is doing right now..and what He will do in your future. I don’t want to miss what God is doing…I don’t want to miss what’s right here in front of me, I don’t want to miss the many ways God continues to pour out His Grace on us… So, I’ve got my eyes wide open…BUT… this weekend..this day… is hard watching it happen without Warren. My boy would be so excited!! So handsome!!
As hard as today may be, I want my ‘people’ to know that I am happy for you. I don’t want anyone to feel guilty about today’s events, the laughter, the pictures! We already know that you love us…that you haven’t forgotten. The ways that Warren will be honored and remembered tonight at the dance is VERY cool!! I am grateful and he would just be beside himself to be getting this kind of attention..(Oh, sweet boy…My boy. Who would have thought?) Thank you for being so sensitive and your kind words and gestures mean more to me than you may ever know….The special delivery last night from 2 very thoughtful (and brave, if you ask me) 8th graders touched my heart deeply. Thank you!!!!
So, another day that I am trusting with all my heart, that Jesus WILL BE ENOUGH! I can BELIEVE with HOPE that His GRACE will be sufficient. I also know that His compassions NEVER fail and His mercies are NEW every morning…Thank you for praying. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for remembering. We are forever grateful.
I will end with the post I began earlier this week….I love you my Grace Ann!!!!
Mother’s Day 2015
My beautiful Grace…Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus and continuing to bless our family with your strength and courage. Your thoughtfulness and caring heart made this Mothers Day special in so many ways!
She decorated with Bible verses and a banner the night before….and then she woke up at 6am to fix me breakfast! She scrambled eggs, cut up fruit, and even made coffee! She put it all on a platter and brought it to me in bed. She is truly amazing, and I am proud and honored that I have the privilege of being her Mom. I love you Grace Ann!!
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is GOOD! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! Psalm 34:8
You don’t HAVE to “move on”. Life & time will do that for you! Live in the moment! Live in the past” Live in the future. Just live day by day. Love you, Pam
What a blessing your sweet Grace is to you! I know she learned it from an amazing Mommy!! God bless you all and know we continue to pray for you! love, the Knowles family