I consider myself a morning person, not because I find it easy to get up, but because I am so thankful for the quiet and alone time once I am up. Sunday before last, before my alarm sounded, I was awakened by Bill stirring and then the dog. It’s only 5:15am. (I don’t feel I can keep my eyes open yet)- I crawled back into bed until finally convincing myself it would be worth pushing through the grogginess. I made my coffee and sat with my bible.
My head distractions seemed relentless. And this particular morning, I couldn’t resist the urge to google ‘how to treat your dog’s ear infection at home’ – So with my bible in my lap, I sat for about 10 minutes watching videos of how to flush out a dogs ear- Yes, you read this right, and I’m embarrassed, but feel transparency is best 😊 **UPDATE*** Don’t ever treat your dogs ear infection at home
If these sort of things do not happen to you, please don’t judge – However, if you can relate, I hope you are chuckling at the very thought and feeling some comfort knowing you’re not alone.
New season – Same hope
For the last several months my heart has battled waves of grief, fear, insecurity, and anxiousness (haven’t we all). Not every day, for I cannot overlook the PURE joy of having Grace almost all to myself during the weeks of quarantine. However, COVID threw a kink in our “normal” daily routines and when that happens (unexpected sudden change) emotionally and mentally, I must once again adjust my thinking to the reality of Warren’s death and how that looks and feels in this new and different season. Not to mention fighting off the various disappointments of how Grace’s life as a senior in HS might not look the way we assumed it would. All of these things leaving me vulnerable to time focusing on how unfair life can be and allowing myself to wander aimlessly the road of “why me” – “Navel-gazing” as some call it – and too much time here is never productive, and I often find I have wandered away from Jesus rather than toward him.
This life journey is hard and complicated, and often exhausting. I know there is a relief, and I know in whom it is found, and yet so often, His voice gets drowned out by the chaos of our world. When my focus becomes more on me than on Jesus, and the reality feels overwhelming, I feel lost. I stumble and fall with little strength to pull myself up. Thankfully, though, it is here I am reminded I have a Savior who is greater, and unlike the ever-changing “seasons,” he is steady and true. Jesus Christ is the SAME yesterday, today, and forever and because of this promise, I can shout VICTORY!
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3)
Writing/Journaling has become therapeutic for me over the years. Yet, recently, fear has seemed to paralyze my thoughts and I cannot get the words that are swirling around in my head (and heart) down on paper, much less here (hello – insecurity!)
I am so grateful for Jesus. Even in my wandering, which I’m so prone to do, HE is faithful!
“Oh, God, help me to experience your glory. But not just an emotional experience. Open my eyes to the vastness – the immeasurable reaches of heaven, your bigness, and your glory – Even just a glimpse. If you would – Allow me to be strengthened with power through your Spirit in my inner being, deep, DEEP inside where no one and nothing can take from me what I know, what I’ve seen, and what I have heard.
Strengthen me that I might be able to REALLY comprehend, understand, grasp, perceive, and then live from this place of strength, knowing the breadth, length, height, and depth of your love.
Grant to me your gift of grace to see and know your gospel of hope- your unsearchable riches.
Replace my earthly lenses with eternal lenses. Give me eyes to see your Kingdom Purposes.
In you, Jesus, I have been given boldness and access with confidence through faith.
Remind me of your goodness and ability and power to do far more than all that I ask or think according to the power at work in me.
Give me understanding so that I can fully know the love of Christ, so that I may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
(Journal entry 9/27/2020)
Every single day
There is not a single day that the enemy doesn’t try and distract me with (hopeless) grief, fear, insecurity, or anxiousness. In my flesh, I often lack motivation, lose my focus, and wish for an easy way out.
Therefore, EVERY DAY, I must recall to mind the Gospel of Jesus Christ and pray for wisdom and the strength to persevere, eyes on Jesus –Not casually wandering without purpose, but with the HOPE of eternity set before me!
This message of HOPE has not changed, but gosh do I need reminding. It’s easy to look around and be discouraged. It’s easy to get lost in my wandering. But Jesus. He calls me to BELIEVE, and to remember that HE is ENOUGH and that the answer is always, always Just Jesus.