by Tender. Unexpected. Surreal. Complicated. Quiet. Beautiful. Lonely. Joyful.
These are just a few words that describe the last couple of weeks. Often my heart is bombarded with different emotions all at one time..And as this school year comes to a close and summer is upon us I struggle to find peace in all the change!
Change Is good…Not always easy…
I imagine I’m not the only one trying to put one foot in front of the other these days. Just the end of a school year can nearly get the best of me….not so much because of a busy schedule, but the abrupt change in events and routine. I get used to our everyday schedule and the people we see etc. My heart ‘adjusts’ to doing life without Warren (whatever that may look like) and then, just like that, I have to start all over again..situating my heart to face another season without him.
*Maybe for you its kids changing schools or leaving home for college, weddings, new job, marriage….. All of these things can steal our peace, if we let it.
Change is good, but change means facing new days and new “seasons”. Missing the “old” and wishing for the way things used to be…
For me, with summer around the corner, I have to face all the what if’s, what should be, and even the memories of summers past that will never be again.
Our Last Trip to the Beach….
I was driving in the car the other day and was reminded of the summer (2014) when we all piled in the car and headed to Florida right after school was out. I remember we met Bill for lunch at a Bar B Q place near his office. He was having to go for business and we decided to take advantage of the trip and make it a family vacation. We were so excited to tell them! After we left lunch we went straight to shop for beach necessities! We bought way too much…things we probably didn’t need! I can close my eyes and remember the smallest details like how excited Warren and Grace were to be spontaneously getting ready for a trip to the beach!!
This memory… as wonderful as it is…causes a hurt deep within me that I can’t even explain. Never in a million years would I have thought that beach trip would be our last together with Warren. I miss everything about it..the sand & the sun, the yellow umbrellas, sunscreen, Warren’s blue surf board, riding Go Carts and playing put-put golf in the blazing heat!…..I love this memory and I am so glad to be at a place emotionally to ‘remember’ it, but there is a tug-o-war that happens as I allow the details to to flood my heart and mind…I’m filled with both the sweetness of the memory and the harsh reality that Warren is gone.
There is a line from one of our favorite new songs ….
“Every seed, buried in sorrow You will call forth in it’s time
You are Lord, Lord of the harvest Calling our hope now to arise”
( There Is A Cloud by Elevation Worship)
What you sow does not come to life unless it dies.. (I Corinthians 15:36)
What is sown is perishable, what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in GLORY. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in POWER. It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. (1 Cor. 15:42-44)
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit. (John 12:24)
I must surrender every single day to how I thought things would be…how I think things should be. I must fall to my knees… and like that seed, die! Die to self, not my will but His….AND……. in that surrender, He strengthens me to RISE UP in Glory and Power!!
In the surrender I find His unexplainable PEACE!
“And with great anticipation we await the Promise to come
Everything that You have spoken will come to pass, let it be done
Oh, it shall be done!!!!!
Every dream, every word, every Promise.“
We shall all be changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. (1 Cor. 15:52)
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be STEADFAST, IMMOVEABLE, always ABOUNDING in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. (1 Cor. 15:58)
Easter 2017
This Easter was a JOYFUL occasion!! We got to celebrate our precious nephew Tatum’s new life in Christ through baptism.
Mother’s Day 2017
Blessed to hear this amazing couple’s testimony. If you don’t know their story..GO! Check it out!!!! – Jay & Katherine Wolf HOPE HEALS What an encouragement they are!!
8th Grade Dance
Precious, beautiful Grace. I love her MORE!!! What a fun evening celebrating the end of Middle School.
This was one of those “moments” that our hearts were trying to juggle great joy and great sadness…We can’t celebrate this wonderful event without remembering that this was the first event after Warren died that his friends and classmates attended without him. It was heart breaking 2 years ago, and it was difficult this year, as Grace is now creating new memories that Warren did not….his absence was loud, and yet HIS Presence brought unexplainable peace and comfort..and even Joy!
Think on these things…
It’s easy to get lost in the onslaught of emotions… Especially in the midst of change and uncertainty. During these times I have to remind myself I have a choice. I can focus my attention on the circumstances surrounding me, or I can choose to put those “eternal lenses” back on and fix my eyes on the One I trust most, the One who can bring me out of the “crazy” and into pleasant places…Quiet places where my soul can find rest. (Psalm 16:6)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:6-8)
Grieving With hope 
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