12-9-14 (1 week after Warren’s celebration of life service)…
“Quiet is scary…I miss him so much. Warren Austin Barfield. Even to write his name hurts my whole body…I can’t breathe.
Is. 40:31 But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
…but those who HOPE in the Lord…*My hope is in you Lord
…will renew their strength…praying my strength is renewed. My “normal” life is at a standstill…people and things are moving all around me..but not me..to move forward means to accept Warren is gone…that hurts too much. Give me strength to Rise up!
they will soar on wings like eagles...oh to “soar”..to feel the wind in my face, to be held. I want to soar on wings….
they will run and not grow weary…I am SO tired. Just getting out of bed is exhausting, putting on my “face” is exhausting, lunch with friends is exhausting, crying is exhausting, not crying is exhausting….
they will walk and not faint...will I ever be “awake” again?? Can I ever go back to everyday things and not grow weary or faint??? If I trust and hold onto His Promise here in Isaiah 40…then YES!
I trust you Lord…Psalm 115
Thank you Warren for this most basic truth..TRUST! It’s not easy but I TRUST in the HOPE of the Lord!!”
Jesus flood our hearts with LIGHT!!! Give us understanding of the confident HOPE we have in you!
We are your holy people-Your rich and glorious inheritance….
Oh Lord Jesus, not me but YOU! Today has been so “random”…good, busy, productive, just feeling like I can’t breathe..tired.
The wind is blowing outside bringing in a cold front!!
Blow Holy Spirit a new and fresh “thing”….
Give us abundance, freedom, MORE of Jesus!!!
It’s November….Again. Another holiday season without my boy. Another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another hard, another 23rd & 24th..this time marking 2 years since Warren left this earth and made it Home. Again…it seems almost unbearable. Again, I am reminded that it is here, in this brokenness I find Jesus. Again…and again it’s JUST JESUS.
As complicated as this world wants to make things….at the end of the day…at the end of myself…I find what is unchanging…and it is Jesus.
The memories still bring tears that sting…the future without Warren still scares me…
But I love the Lord, because he has heard me…He has heard my pleas for mercy. Because he has inclined his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. (Ps. 116:1-2)
I am thankful today..being able to look back…I have hesitated to go back and read my journals because I can’t bear to remember how hard this journey has been. But today I am reminded that He was there, even a week after leaving the cemetery…a year ago today…He was ushering in a “new” thing. He has always been and will always be…ENOUGH for me
“I still believe…Warren Austin Barfield…mom still BELIEVES!!”