We love you Warren Austin Barfield with every fiber of our being. We stretch our necks as far as they can stretch - Looking up toward that eastern sky - Listening for the sound of the trumpet - Until that day, Dear Jesus, help us to be steadfast, immovable and always looking for ways to make much of YOUR NAME!
We Believe. We Believe Jesus is better. We Believe all His promises are true. We believe God sent his one and only son to earth. We Believe he was crucified and died. We Believe he rose again. We Believe He will return. We Believe the best is yet to come.
This Believe Sign has been placed in our yard now for 5 Christmases. It is more than just a Christmas decoration we pull down out of the attic. After Warren died I had a lot of questions, but God had one for me too... "Do you believe?" .....He does not drop us in the middle of a trial and whisper "good luck" leaving us to figure a way out on our own. Even when it seems there is nothing but darkness and uncertainty pulling us under. When the silence seems to say we are all alone. He is present, He is holding us & He is working. Breakthrough is coming. We need only to believe. But what does that look like?
Grace was sitting, legs crossed, on the kitchen counter. As I turned around, spoke one word, I felt my lip quiver and as hard as I tried I couldn't keep the tears from falling. I could tell her eyes were watery too and I stepped in close. The heaviness of the moment, that I had unsuccessfully tried to avoid, brought a silence and a mutual understanding that bringing up "tomorrow", no matter how hard we try, is just really, really, tough.
I believe as I step into twenty-eighteen the Lord is reminding me-"I have your heart, your hurt, your broken places..and One Day, there will be no more tears, no more death, or sorrow or crying or pain...One Day!(Rev. 21:4)
As for today, the suffering and the sorrow that are your companions will be the reminder that you need more than "fixing"...you need a Savior."
Grace came downstairs a few mornings ago and began sharing with me a dream she had about Warren. As dreams go, the details didn't all fit together and some of it was random...However, one detail about her dream that made me smile was the first question she said she asked Warren when she saw him..." Do you have your license? Can you drive me around?"
All of our suffering is unique and cannot be compared..However, no matter the specifics of our circumstances there is only one answer...one hope and that is Jesus. We all might journey differently to land here, but no matter your hurt, or fear, or the unbearable situation you face....there is ONE Hope, One salvation, One Jesus and He cares about YOU and me!
If I'm honest...I am relieved the "Holidays" are coming to a close. I don't hate Thanksgiving or Christmas, the festivities, and all that goes with them...In fact, being with friends and family is something I love very much..but I just struggle more during this time of year without Warren. It's like every event, every gathering, [...]
It was cool and damp. The ground was soft and my heels sank into the ground. I hugged family and saw some for the first time since Warren died. I remember hearing people whisper..."You're going to have to help her..be there for her." I remember sitting, holding Bills hand tightly, trying to be strong for [...]
It's been almost 2 years, and I'm not sure if it seems like yesterday or the longest 2 years of my life..Both, maybe. But One thing remains, our Hope is Jesus. He is the Light of the world and because of this Promise, we will RISE UP and be thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ..and because of The Gospel we KNOW that Warren is ALIVE and we will see him again...
It's November....Again. Another holiday season without my boy. Another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another hard, another 23rd & 24th..this time marking 2 years since Warren left this earth and made it Home. Again...it seems almost unbearable. Again, I am reminded that it is here, in this brokenness I find Jesus. Again...and again it's JUST JESUS.
Leaving the house where Warren last lived , packing up his things...putting them in tubs so fearful we were leaving him behind... was painful for my still very tender heart. But as I take the time to look back at how graciously God provided ~ His mercies NEW every morning , I am strengthened once again to take a step of faith forward.
As the 24th nears I feel VERY sad...but I also feel VERY held. This is something else that doesn't really make sense. Since Sunday (11-1) there has been an incredible peace that has covered us in a way that I just can't explain. What's complicated about this peace, is that it's not what you might imagine.