He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey Him!” Matt. 8:26,27
There is not much I remember about the morning we arrived home from the hospital, after Warren went to heaven. I am not even sure I remember much of the drive, or if Bill and I talked in the car. One thing I do remember is that the weather was beautiful. It was sunny and cool. (my favorite) There were some friends standing out front, and they embraced me and began praying. I can’t remember the prayers exactly, but I very clearly remember feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit. I remember walking inside and going straight to Warren’s room, falling on his bed in complete exhaustion. I cried and just said “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..” over and over. I had no words, no scripture, no wordy prayer…Just Jesus. One thing I have learned for sure…there IS power in the name of Jesus!
During those first few days, fear was something that would creep in often and paralyze. So, I can only imagine what the disciples felt as that storm hit and the water began sweeping over their boat. The bible says the storm came without warning. When the disciples cried out to Jesus, “Save us!”…He did just that…He rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was COMPLETELY CALM!!!!
There are many moments that the world around me seems too overwhelming..like a storm. I would describe the events that lead to Warren’s ‘homecoming’ hitting us without any warning. I have fallen to my knees and called out to Jesus, ” Save me”!!!…and you know what? He has! He is my COMPLETE CALM!!! Complete! Even as I have cried so hard I can’t breath, there is a calm. He has brought me (us) sweet rest in the middle of this storm. Please don’t be mistaken…the waves continue to crash and sometimes sweep over in such a way that there seems to be no end in sight, BUT peace comes because He is teaching me to rest in Him.
The days that have turned into weeks and the weeks that have turned into months are a blur in so many ways. So many details that I have no recollection of..people, food, deliveries, flowers, conversations…BUT one thing that I have been very aware of is the presence of the Holy Spirit, God’s peace, and His unbelievable faithfulness. Even as Warren was in the hospital in Beaumont, I played music from my phone. I listened and sang praises to the One who brought a calm that can only be explained by the power of Jesus. The Holy Spirit filled that room and the presence of the Lord was ever near. The Holy Spirit, our counselor brought us truths, and promises to hold onto. I would like to say that during those intense moments I was reciting scripture, but instead God used music and the words of certain songs to remind me that through it all, with my eyes on Him, He would carry me and teach me the truest meaning of …”It is Well with my Soul”.
I have always loved music. One thing you may not know about me, is that I used to sing…in church, when I was younger. I was in my school choir and took voice lessons. (For some reason, this was not always impressive to Warren and Grace..O’well!) But…music has always ministered to me and especially now during these days. One of the many songs that I have fallen in love with is “It Is Well” by Bethel. It is beautiful and the words are powerful.
I love Christian praise music and there are so many that have words that can reach down to the depths of my soul and bring me to a place of worship even in my own home! I think some of our favorite artists are, Chris Tomlin, Kari Jobe, Natalie Grant, Matt Redman, & Bethel Music(Kristene DiMarco)..just to name a few! I also love that my children listen to Christian music!! I think I mentioned earlier that Warren played the guitar. He strummed many tunes, but my favorite thing to hear coming from his room were songs of praise and worship. A memory that brings a smile to my face even now!
I remember my first time to drive car pool for football. Grace was in the car and I told her to change it to one of the ‘cool’ stations. I can’t remember what played, but I do remember Warren asking me later why I had changed the station from 89.3 KSBJ (Christian radio)…I told him I just thought the other might be more fun?!? Who knows, it sounds silly now, Except that he said, “No, I like the Christian music”…So, from then on, when I picked up from football, I made sure I had it on and loud enough for him to hear…(sorta a side note story..sorry)
One of the songs that was sung at Warren’s service was “Your Great Name” by Natalie Grant. Powerful..My favorite line in that song:
“Every fear has no place at the sound of your great name.”
I am thankful for God’s word and I am also thankful for Christian artists who use God’s Word to write music. Music is important in the Barfield house. We have music playing in our house more these days, and I think that God is teaching us that one way we can truly rest in His peace and trust Him with our whole heart, is to praise Him regardless of our circumstances. By praising Him with shouts of worship we are declaring our faith in Him. We are replacing our fears while praising Him…
Psalm 63:7-8 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 18:46 The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!
Psalm 18:49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations. O, Lord! I will sing praises to your name.