afraid yet filled with joy…

 

 

March….

Spring Break ~ Warren’s 15th birthday ~ Move ~ Easter


 

Spring Break 2016

Florida with Bill and Grace for Spring Break.  Spring Break in Florida without Warren.

Beautiful sunsets…

Beautiful flowers…

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Beautiful water, blue skies & white sand….

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New adventures…

Beautiful and New.  Laughter and Sorrow.  Stories and Adventures.  Tears and Joy.  

This is how we do our new normal…experiencing new, while remembering the past and longing for how things used to be.  Moving forward, but desperately wishing we could go back.  Making new memories, but fondly remembering the old…

We continue to trust The One in control…but Oh, how we wish things were different.


 

Happy 15th Birthday to my first born!!! 

We celebrate you every day…so when March 23rd roles around each year, we will praise God for the days we had with you on this earth, and JOYFULLY look forward to the forever celebration to come….Love you…MORE!

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I guess we thought we would “eat” our way through the day… 🙂  So we had some of your favorites!  Grace and I also went and had our nails painted blue!  Honestly…we fumbled through the day not knowing really what to do or how to do it.  It wasn’t perfect…it won’t ever be, i guess…So we just asked God to be glorified and to surround us with a love greater than all loves…and…He did just that.  So thankful that we serve a God that loves us and considers us in our time of need.

La Madeleine for breakfast (quiche lorraine, strawberries)  🙂

Bar-b-q for dinner (ribs…)

Lemon cake…

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We moved…….

There is so much behind this picture…There is NO WAY I can put into words or even begin to describe how God used these (and others not pictured) to minister, encourage, support, and physically help us with this move.  My heart is full every time I look at these faces and remember the sacrifice of time and energy they gave to our family, on their day off, to come and serve.

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In case you didn’t notice in the above pictures…there is one person who just might have experienced the biggest blessing of all!  You see, on Sunday, 5 days before this picture was taken, he was in the hospital.  5 days before this picture, this man, My Dad, or better yet, Warren’s Granddad, was wearing a vest that was monitoring his heart.  He was weak and possibly looking at surgery to place a pacemaker that would control an abnormal heart rhythm.

5 days before this picture, I asked God to completely heal his heart.  I knew the pacemaker and the doctors caring for him could assist in his getting better…but I asked that God would heal his heart completely.  3 days before this picture, my brother called and said..”hey, the doctor said Dad’s heart has reverted back to normal.  they are removing the vest and he has no physical restrictions.”  Dad said to the doctor, “this is a miracle!” and the doctor said…”well, thats one way to look at it.”  We are so grateful to the doctors and nurses and how they have cared for our Dad.  We just believe that it is God’s sovereignty that instead of a pacemaker keeping his heart in rhythm, it’s beating just fine on its own!

So…as dad hugged each neck, and shook each hand, He was blessed in a huge way!

Jesus hears us.  He loves us…& He is the Great Physician.


Easter…

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies though his Spirit who dwells in you.  Romans 8:11

After what seemed like a month of “hard” … we closed it out by switching our focus to the cross, the resurrection, and the Hope that ‘Sunday’s coming’!   I just believe it wasn’t  a coincidence that the first morning in our new home was Easter morning.  Easter. Pointing us to look back and to remember, and in remembering, we can confidently look ahead, knowing that deliverance IS coming! Our future is secure in Christ!  It might not be yet, but IT IS coming!  

For now we see in a mirror dimly but then face to face, Now I know in part, Then I shall know FULLY, even as I have been FULLY known. (1 Cor. 13:12)

Leaving the house where Warren last lived , packing up his things…putting them in tubs so fearful we were leaving him behind… was painful for my still very tender heart.  But as I take the time to look back at how graciously God provided ~ His mercies NEW every morning , I am strengthened once again to take a step of faith forward.  

‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee.  There you will see him.’  So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy…          (Matthew 28:7-8)

Today, I am thankful that He goes before me.  I am also thankful that as a mom who misses her boy, I can be ‘afraid  YET filled with Joy’…. 

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#blessed


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Yes…that is a picture that we took.  That is a sunset that God gave us the first night of our Spring Break.  A week that part of me dreaded..only because I (of course ) worried how in the world we would do it…our first SB without Warren.  I began to pray several weeks ago that God would help us to make plans on how/ where we would spend our week.  I talked to Him about it everyday.  As it got closer and closer, I listened to the plans of others and although excited for them, I wished desperately that things were different for my family.

I couldn’t help but remember last year and the feeling of complete “peace” and “joy” as we packed our car to head to SA…Bill had taken off work, both kids in the backseat..giddy to be out of school. Spring Break 2014 :)…baseball games and bluebell #blessed…right..?   Next to being with my family…I LOVE hotels!  So just the fact that I would not be making beds, or cooking meals elated me!  I remember arriving after dark to the hotel, and Bill and I sat alone outside, as the kids ran around looking for the s’mores!  I talked to Bill about how blessed I felt…healthy kids, jobs, friends, family…..I think I even posted something on Facebook about how blessed we were…And we were~

SB 2014
SB 2014

 

SB 2014
SB 2014

 

This last week we  enjoyed a beautiful  house on Lake Conroe. Because God is in every detail of our lives… and through the generosity of a family in our community, God answered my prayer and gave us a place to go and spend time with each other.  The house was beautiful, the view was breathtaking, the time together with Bill and Grace, priceless.  God is so good, and He knows just what we need, when we need it.  He truly does delight in us! (Psalm 18:19)

…although thankful for what God provided for us, my heart ached and I couldn’t help but miss what ‘should be’.  He should be with us…..I miss my adventurous, happy, silly, loving Warren.  I miss the kid that would have LOVED being in that ‘fancy’ house and being able to walk out and fish off the deck.  I miss his laugh and how he and Grace would have spent hours exploring and enjoying each other (truly, they would have)!  The void is painful and we miss him..TERRIBLY!

As I sat quietly with God each morning, I told Him how I missed Warren.  I asked him why us?  I felt a pain in my chest…I missed the memories of last Spring Break…I wondered if I could consider myself  blessed?  What does it mean to be blessed?  I (thought) I was “#blessed” last year , but my family is not complete, we are not all safely together in a hotel room looking forward to a week of adventure.  #Blessed?  …..

and then I was gently reminded that it IS NOT the things in or of this world that count…It’s Jesus.  Jesus only Jesus…My view has to be eternal.  My eyes must be fixed on Jesus and set on things above.  My being blessed doesn’t rely on who or what surrounds me…I am blessed because I am a child of God.  I have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father that loves me.  I am blessed with the incomprehensible riches of His love, His grace, and His kingdom.  A kingdom that cannot be shaken!  I must put God first. This world is temporary BUT GOD, He is unchangeable. (1 John 2:15-17)  I am not trying to say that our children, husband, and friends are not a ‘blessing’.  They are indeed.  But those blessings that we enjoy from day to day are temporary.  They come and they go.  They change or can be taken away….The ultimate blessing is the new life and forgiveness that comes through faith in Jesus. Those that love and fear the Lord are blessed.  Those who find their purpose and fulfillment in God are blessed.

Am I #blessed?  Yes….Thank you Jesus for the reminder and for helping me to love you MORE.

Psalm 146:5 Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God.

I just love that even during a week that was often times painful, God used it to teach me new truths.  Besides reminding me that I am blessed, I was challenged to:

“Wake Up”~ Revelation 3:2

“Live obediently and expectantly” ~ 1Peter 4:7

“Be alert and watchful”~1 Peter 5:8

“Meditate on His Word & Fix my eyes on His Ways”~ Psalm 119:15

Our family made the most of this last week.  We are so grateful for the precious family that generously gave us the house to use.  I must say that as I looked ahead at the weather for the week, I was concerned that we might be stuck inside with lots of rain in the forecast.  Although I wouldn’t mind the cloudy rainy days snuggled on the couch, I knew it wouldn’t be fun for Grace.  Not only did the rain stay away (until last night and today), we had mild days and the most spectacular sunset each evening.  We were right on the lake so we were able to go out each night and enjoy the view from their deck.  I cherished each one and felt as though they were a special gift from Heaven just for us.  So overwhelmed and thankful for a God that keeps His promises.  A God that continues to be my strength when I am weak. A God that continues to be near and hold me(us) so tenderly….

Spring Break 2015 #blessed

#webelieve
#webelieve

 

#heavenisbetter
#heavenisbetter

 

#jesusisenough4today
#jesusisenough4today

 

#missyou
#missyou