The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me, your love, O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands. Psalm 138:8
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5
Mother’s Day…Year 2
I was reminded that I still need Jesus. I still need your prayers and encouragement.
It was a day that took a bit more strength to face than other days. It was bitter and sweet all at the same time.
There was laughter and joy as well as quiet tears because of the brokenness that has made it’s home in my heart.
I was loved well by Grace and Bill (I have the best daughter in the whole wide world!!!) She made the cutest pancakes for breakfast!
I greatly appreciated the text messages sent with such tender thoughtfulness.
I thought of Warren and missed him so much.
God’s glorious grace, once again, brought unexplainable comfort.
It’s Not Over
One of the hardest things about this journey is how disappointing it can be to wake up after Mother’s Day (or any hard day), only to realize I have to do this all over again next year. Not only that, but every other “difficult” day in between. It’s never over. I don’t get to wake up with a sigh of relief or a sense of accomplishment. I wake… immediately realizing another day of living with the heartbreak of Warren’s death, is in front of me.
I don’t know anything about how the brain works, from a medical point of view, but I do know from personal experience, that somehow you can ‘manipulate’ your thoughts. I’ve often wondered how in the world someone without the hope of Christ lives through the death of a child (or any kind of suffering). I’m guessing (maybe) that with some learned tools, over time, you can manage and learn to live with this type of pain (without faith). I am certainly thankful for the ‘tools’ I am learning in counseling which help me to work through my “grief”…
However, it is ONLY my faith and trust in Jesus Christ helping me to do MORE than manipulate my thoughts and ‘survive’ another day. In Christ, I am believing that there is more purpose to my pain than just surviving it. If it was simply surviving, I might have already given up that fight…But because of the abounding grace God has lavished upon me, I know that I am being strengthened every day for His assignment on my life. I wish it were different and some days I don’t feel up for the task. Oh, how…I wish it were different. Yet, in my weakness…on my hardest day, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in me. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I’m no expert on grief, loss, or dealing with pain and sadness. Half the time, I’m not even sure what direction I’m headed 😉 The other day I was trying to get some cards in the mail and realized I had put the stamps in the left hand corner instead of the right. I can wander around a store and not remember why I came. I can hold back my tears sometimes, and sometimes I can’t. I know there are steps to healing…but I think I’m writing my own! I often feel like I can’t put into words how I’m feeling or how things are going. This can be frustrating and hard especially on those around me, I know.
I miss Warren and my heart still aches.
I know that God is protecting my family and keeping us close to Himself and each other..I am so grateful for that. I know that God is working and that He loves me. I know that He will fulfill His purpose in me. (Psalm 138:8)
Like everyone else, we are wrapping up another school year. These weeks are always so full of activity and very busy. I find myself thinking about the summer and even wondering what it will be like as Grace begins her 8th grade year in the fall. What will it be like when she turns 14. Warren will always be her older brother, but since he died at age 13, in the middle of his 8th grade year…I just wonder…
I Still Believe
I still believe that God will keep providing the strength we need. I believe that He is still very much enough. I still believe that Heaven is better and the best is yet to come!! I believe His work in my life & Warren’s life is greater than I can even imagine. I will trust Him because I still believe He is good.
I love this picture of Warren. It reminds me to be strong and courageous. It reminds me to be brave like Esther. Thank you buddy for pointing me to Jesus. I love you so very much!